O' Where Do The Wild People Go?

Story #1:

After two days and three fun filled nights in Boulder, it was finally time for my bother and I to hit the slopes at Keystone, and see what kind of heads we could turn with our amazing ability to do all sorts of mean, nasty, ugly things with only a board and a pair of skis.

We arrived at the ski hill they call, Keystone. I was so excited to FINALLY be skiing in the Great Rocky Mountains, where they say the snow falls from the heavens in it's driest form compared to anywhere else in the world. As Andy and I are walking from the car to get on the first lift, I realize this place is much different than Mt. Bachelor, Oregon. In Keystone, there is basically a large town surrounding the base of the hill. Anything anybody would ever need or want is found at the tip of their mittens whenever skiing gets tiring. I was shocked and a little unprepared, due to lack of preparation from my part. I had always skied in this kind of a situation growing up with these huge resorts and massive amounts of people being drawn to the area. Why was I feeling so out of place? Why did it even stand out to me? Who cares?

It is barely past mid-day when I was separated from Andy. I get down to a chair lift, that Andy was not at. I get in line anyways. This girl and this guy ask if they can ask me a few questions while they accompany me on the lift. I was kind of weirded out until they started asking me questions on a survey about Keystone. Once the guy asks the basics: what is your name?, where are you from?, how old are you?, and so on, he asks, "what would you change about Keystone?". My answer right off the bat should have been lowering the cost of a day pass, which I had bought earlier and was pretty damn expensive. Unfortunately, I did not say that. When the ball was in my court to produce an answer, I said something that was a knee jerk reaction and which kind of surprised me. I immediately turned around on the chair lift to look down from our elevation at the tiny buildings, tiny parking lot, and tiny people scurrying about within this grand infrastructure, and said, "well, you could start by burning down every one of those buildings down there". They both erupted in laughter and looked at me like a really funny guy. When they noticed I kind of was not kidding, they said they would both be out of jobs. I said cheers and they did not ask me anymore questions after that.

Story #2:

On the same day that Andy and I skied, we arrive at the Denver International Airport around 5:15 in the p.m. It was time for me to depart from my brother and get back to Bend to assume the routine, daily life of the week days.

I was following the signs that would lead me to my gate, when I found myself in the very long line, waiting to be securitified by security. I was half in a daze from all the fun in Boulder, fatigued from getting off the mountain a fews hours earlier, plus, I had been taking samplers from the Greenest Green's finest, prior to the security line. As I am walking up, a few older fellows with white hair go rushing past me, with their bags on wheels struggling to keep up. A woman's voice, on a recorder, is blaring through the airport, reminding us not to leave your baggage unattended, and to throw away your water bottle if you are not willing to chug it. A couple right in front of me are having an argument as quietly as they can, pretending like no one can hear them. There is a wave of tension in this line of people that is so thick that you could cut it with a butter knife. I look upwards to the second story walkways, because I feel like there is no other place to look. I see an Interfaith Chapel with a Cantina Margarita restaurant right next store. Wow, there must be over eighty airport security personnel in this one area! Some of the security staff people are standing by the x-ray conveyor belt, people watching and picking their noses. Where do these people end up? I guess I to am just a lonely member of this herd, trying so desperately to get to my destination. But, for what?

Journal entry #1, 48hr solo, Utah Desert, 3/18/2008

It's kind of crazy sitting on this ledge with my feet dangling over a 200 ft. drop, hearing and seeing commercial airplanes flying overhead. It reminds me that although I am away from society for 25 days, I never forget that there are millions of people in America going about their lives doing the same thing they have been doing since they remember. A lot of people live as slaves to society even though they think they are free. Could it be that some people are slaves to the "all you can eat" mentality in America? For instance, if you are craving a hamburger, you can drive your car (don't even have to walk or put any energy into getting where you want to be) to your favorite burger joint. If you want alcohol, weed, chocolate, then you can get it any time you like. One becomes spoiled of having everything one wants at their fingertips.

Out here, you pack what you need on you own back! You feel, first hand, the amount of work it takes to haul around what you need! Imagine carrying everything you need, and start dangling everything you want in your everyday life on the outside of your pack. I know I would not be able to carry all of that stuff more than 15 steps before getting tired! I don't need alcohol, weed, shrooms, drunk driving, that jacket, that car, that lifestyle, that new gear, your sympathy, your judgements.

What I do need is good friendships, my family, my brother, my dog, the freedom to think and feel without the fear of judgment. I need food, shelter, water, strong relationships, solitude, myself strong, healthy, and sharp. I need to be more helpful to others, a better brother, a better nephew, a patient person, a better friend, express how much I need some people in my life, show more compassion and feeling, get outdoors more, into the wilderness!!!

The Next Step

Once again, things are never quite what you had expected. Or, hell, maybe they are, and I am happy for you.

I have talked to a few people lately that are thinking of the next step. A lot of people I have conversed with are beginning to think about leaving their bubbles at college and wondering where they will go when May or June rolls around. Thats right ladies and gents, the time has come to remember when your elders were saying, "You just wait until you got to grow up! Go into the 'real world'!". Now I can tell you a hundred reasons why I think that is a bunch of horse apples, but that is not the point of this discussion on the couch.

I was at the pub talking to this older guy about California and how they have dug themselves into the rut that they are in now. We got onto the subject of the United State's economy, jobs and college. He was telling me that when he got out of college, the question everyone was asking themselves was not, "Will I get a job?", it was, "which job offer should I take?". Obviously much different than today. Should some of us forget the job thing and go to graduate school to wait until the economy gets better? How about traveling? Should I just look for a job, any job? Should I move back home for a while, so I don't have to have expenses for a little bit? How the hell am I supposed to pick a direction?

The great thing about the question of the "the next step", is that it can apply to everything and everyone in some way, no matter where you are in life. If your getting married, or already married, what do you do now? I guess live the "American Dream", white picket fence, maybe a few kids, garden, and a golden retriever? Just got fired from your job that you assumed would probably be your career? Did you buy some really good vegetables or fruit, thinking you were going to be healthy again, but you forgot about them and they just went moldy on you? What do you do now? Of course you can look at these questions in the worst possible way, but why not look at your situation as an opportunity in disguise? I have had the worst trouble with these questions. I've gotten down, cursed myself and probably been the most confused in my entire life. I have got to keep remembering that the sky is the limit, like what Lil' Wayne said. Opportunities are everywhere, you just have to remember to look up every once and a while to see them (that is from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I can't take credit for that).

This is the last thing I have to talk about, I promise. Moving to Bend has been a great thing for me. Maybe two hours ago I would not have said that, but after what I have typed, I sincerely believe that. Coming from Eugene, I pictured Bend as being my savior. Man, I was gonna tackle the world! I was set! I'm gonna get all these cool classes and I am going to do really well in them, nothing can stop me! Climbing is two minutes from my house, you can bike everywhere (even on highway 97), the mountain is 25 minutes away, the pub where I work is 2 minutes walking, the school is 11.5 minutes away walking and I got homies that want to come and ride on snow in the winter. That is all cool, but things have changed this winter term. Treading water is the best way to describe this winter term. I want to do a little experiment. I want to try not graduating from college. I want to work and gain as much experience in everything possible. Everything from radio shows to welding to working on an oil rig. I want my resume to be 30 pages long, maybe prove the elders wrong. They always have said, "Nowadays you have to have a college diploma to do anything". I think it can work.

Poop Happens

This past Saturday morning was easily the most stressful morning that I have experienced in a long time. I think the last time I can remember feeling this way was in high school, every time I would drive down San Felipe or Highway 290 in Houston to pick up my girlfriend, I would be nervous as can be. But on this particular Saturday, I was close to losing it; muscles tense, escalated heart rate/breathing, and just about to pull my hair out.

As many of you may already know, I lost my wallet with every form of picture ID I had, some cash, and my debit and credit card. Not to mention I had to be at the airport in 45 minutes. Enough of me whining and complaining, let me get to the point.

Thanks to a handful of friends helping me clean my place, look for my wallet, cancel my debit/credit cards, and dealing with me flipping out, I had reason to relax just a little bit. I got to the airport and made it through security with not as much heart ache as I had anticipated, which calmed me down a little more. But, I was still stressing and beating myself to a pulp for my carelessness on the plane ride from Redmond to Portland. I don't know if it was my B.O. from skiing the day before or the altitude, but something clicked in my hungover brain. I began telling myself, "I can't keep getting this worked up over something that is over and already in the books". All of a sudden I could breath again, and think clearly. Later on in the day I swear I caught myself a few times where I had completely forgotten about losing my wallet. It was not a big deal anymore. I was in the position to look ahead and take action to fix my situation. When I got to Chicago, I found a monitor to give me the information that the flight to my destination had been canceled. Normally I would have freaked!! I had no money, no food, nothing!! Instead of going down that route, I just laughed. You know what they say in Russia (if you don't know, you better acsk somebody).

Final note: when something doesn't go your way and your stressed beyond belief, try to step back, deep breathe, and take an action that will help you get out of the mess your in. MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE! I know I will be working on this part of my personality for the rest of my days.

Journal entry #2, 48hr. solo, Utah desert, 3/18/08

I woke up this morning and all I could hear was silence. Nobody around to tell me to get moving, and not having to listen to anyone else's worries. It's just me, a pack, sleeping bag, water, and clothing. This is a different, but exhilarating feeling. It's not weird, it's just different. This morning, right now, I feel no distractions. Finally!!! It's just me!

In the book, "The Dharma Bums", I read something last night that was saying the mountains are his buddha. They have been here for millions of years. They are peaceful, there is no rush, no judgements, it's all black and white, and slow. It took over 300 million years for these canyons to look how they do now, and I find peace and feel grounded, because of the patience of the dirt and the abundance of life here. The sound of silence!! Life and L-I-V-I-N is outdoors. There's so much to learn, I want to soak it all up! Next Fall I want to either find a job in Eugene working carpentry or construction, or work in northern Cali with Mike's friend, if that can happen. I don't want to go back to school yet. I have a lot of learning and reading I want to do before I go back.

About 30 minutes later with my handwriting looking much different...

Well that was tight. Trip just came to my solo spot and asked for a liter of water, because he used a liter for the dinner last night. While I was filling his water bottle up, he asked if I wanted to smoke (big surprise)! I just cracked up laughing and said, "ok". So, I'm pretty high, in the desert! That's nuts! It's actually a really cool feeling. There's a lot of life scurring around this morning. It's awesome.

"Home is where you make it" - Joe Dirt

Yesterday morning, I was cooking a big breakfast and listening to "Car Talk" (a normal weekend ritual Saturdays and Sundays, 11 a.m.- 12 p.m. on NPR). If you have not listened to these guys, I highly recommend it. Anyways, during the show they call someone that called maybe a month or two ago about a problem concerning their car. The idea is to see if the two guys were correct in diagnosing the problem. This woman called in from Seattle a couple months ago wondering what car would be best taking a road trip all over the country. This woman just had her daughter leave home to go to college, and she was sick of Seattle (which I don't know how that could be) and wanted to "find herself"; maybe find a new place to live.

She ends up driving over 18,000 miles, sleeping out of her car, staying with friends/family, and exploring the U.S. What I find interesting in this story is, in the end she moved back to Seattle and settled down in the place she desperately wanted to leave. I do not really have anything philosiphizing to say about this, but there is something here and I cannot exactly put my finger on it. Maybe some day.

Side note: The two guys on the show were recommending her a small truck to do the trip, so she can sleep in the bed of the truck. She ended up getting a Ford station wagon, and had nothing but great things to say about it. Therefore, the result was that the two guys were wrong.

"Don't quote me on this, but..."

I don't know about anyone else, but I am stressed to the bone about school and a bunch of other horse apples bobbling around in my head, that takes over you and your emotions like your hot math teacher in 8th grade (I don't know anything about that though, obviously). There are multiple ways that we all deal with our stress. Some ways benefit us and our overall wellness, and other ways may hinder us. For me it is a constant struggle. But, today was a different experience that I have not had in a very long time.

I have this research paper due tonight at midnight. I have been very stressed about this paper and of course I waited to do it on the day that it is due. I gave myself a timeline today, that I will work on the paper until three o'clock, and no matter if I was done or not, I was going to treat myself to a walk in the blizzard that mother nature was gracing us with. Three o'clock came around and I just had to finish my reference page, so I was in good shape to take a break. I walked to the top of this butte near my apartment in about 5 or 6 inches of dry, beautiful powder. While I was on the butte, there was no one around. All the houses seemed like they were tucked away trying to fight off the howling wind and snow. On a clear day, you can see the whole town of Bend and more, but today it was a white out. No sound but the wind and my own heart pounding in my ears from the hike. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the sound of the wind. I tried to remember every snowflake that hit my face. Nothing mattered anymore except for the flakes in my beard and the music that the wind was orchestrating. I do not know how long I was standing there with my eyes closed, but when I finally opened them, the tracks that I had made on the way up were mostly covered with snow. I had forgotten about time and my place in the world. Not one thing mattered!

On the way back to my apartment, I started thinking (imagine that). Why has it been so long since I have taken the time to feel this rejuvenated? We all have busy lives, things we need to do, but also things we want to do. There is only so many hours in the day. Everyone has something different that they do to relieve stress. Some people spend hours playing video games and other people want to go climb Everest. What I am getting at is, make time in your day to do something for yourself, whether it is sitting on the couch watching Oprah or going to play basketball, make the time! Some stresses that we have we cannot control, but there are some things that we can manage, and that is what we need to concentrate on. But, don't quote me on this, it's just what I have come up with.