The Last Story

Hey there folks,

It has been a long while since we have shared some time on The Couch. I have missed it tremendously, fellow potatoes. This will be the last piece of writing that I complete that is visible to others. I very much hope you all will enjoy it, and feel the same way I felt.

There once was a boy/man named Sue. No, no, no, its not the same Sue you're thinking of. It's not the boy named Sue that Johnny Cash sung about. Although, trust me this is a boy/man that all of you have met one time or another in your lifetime.

As the story goes:

One night, when Sue was a youngster, he thought that a glass of milk would defiantly sooth the dry, death grip around his throat. Sue's room was very cold and dark. He could not get out of his warm, comfortable sleeping arrangement until he couldn't stand the painful feeling of the devil strangling his throat to a pulp anymore. FINALLY!, he gets out of bed, throws on the most comfortable protective layer he could find at his finger tips to shield himself from the deep, dark coldness of his domain. Sue walks to his bedroom door, slowly opens the heavy, creaky, wooden door. He was TRYING so hard not awake his siblings and his parents from their bottomless sleep. Sue cannot see the outline of objects that he knows should be in his way when he begins to make his way through the darkness. The pulsing sound of silence while stepping into the hall of the beautiful, one-story house in which his parents lived. He has memorized where obstacles might still be to stand in the way of his objective. Sue begins to make his way down the hall, to the right, where he hopes, so much, that he may turn the corner and rest his eyes on the beautiful night light in the kitchen to guide him like a lighthouse that will continue to direct him to the ultimate destination; the refrigerator for the ice cold glass of milk that came from a cow's tit. He thinks in his head that he will never be able to meet the cow and give appreciation for the refreshment. Well there he is, turning the corner of the hall into the warm living room. He can feel it now, so close! Sue walks into the kitchen only to find what he dreaded the most. His father is resting wide awake beside the refrigerator! "Can I please grab a glass of milk to help rest my brain?", asks Sue. "NEVER!", says his father as he quickly reaches for the butcher knife right behind where he is standing. "But dad, PLEASE DON'T!", exclaims Sue, but Sue is too late. Before Sue knows it, the father is standing on the opposite side of the round table that once stood so nicely as a symbol for a family to eat meals and converse. The father stands opposite of Sue with only a puny, round dinner table standing in between him and his victim. With fire blazing through the pupils of the father's eyes, he says, "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU, SUE!!!!". As quick as a gun shot, the father starts to chase Sue around the table to catch his son with the intention of ending his life. Out of desperation, Sue runs the opposite direction of where his father starts to run after him. Around and around they go. The stress and survival mentality kicks in with Sue as he runs for his life around that goddamn table. There is no one to run to for help. STOP!!!!!!!!!!! Sue finds himself standing, still, once again facing his father that is heaving for a quick fix of oxygen before he attempts a new move at getting to his son. There they are, father and son glaring into each others' glassy eyes with the only thought of predator and prey. Ohhhhh, but father has a trick up his sleeve that there was no way for the young son named Sue to ever anticipate. The father gives Sue a slight, but sure smile as he raises the knife in his right hand above his head ever so slowly. Out of nowhere, he smashes the table with his left hand and releases a wild and violent sound through the still, tense air. The table parts like Jesus himself parted the Red Sea, and just as the father reaches with his left hand to grab the young kid; Sue jumps out of his bed in horror! Sweating and panting, he looks around and realizes it was all just a dream.

It was early Fall, and Summer was coming to an end. The Great Plains of North America are already forming frost from the bitter, below freezing temperatures of the night. Summer was nothing much to write home about. For some reason, Sue just could not find his fix. Maybe he wanted to watch it all pass by like he wanted everything to just pass right on bye, bye. But never the less, there he was, trying to create his cloud nine.

One of the many strange and lonely nights stood out in his mind the most. It was a bizarre day to begin with, but that doesn't matter where this story is going. 5:30 in the p.m. comes around, and Sue is ready to go to the pub for a drink and football. As many other times before, he finds himself ordering beer after beer, until all the football games are over for the night. After what seems to be 45 minutes, he looks at his watch and reads 10:30 p.m., and the bar is supposed to close at 10 because of residential housing above the pub (not to mention that he is nice and liquored up by that time). Time to go home. Sue pays his bill and shakes the bartender's hand and says goodbye to the rest of the regulars sharing the time wasted with him. On the walk home, which is only a half a block away, Sue runs into a man on a bicycle. The man is rough from head to toe with some stale vomit on the lower part of his sweatshirt. His bike has no brakes. The brake tubes are dangling down, hitting every spoke as the wheel turns. "Hey man, do you happen to have some matches I can bum?", asks the man. On any normal sunny, cloudy, rainy, snowy, sleety, day or night, Sue would have ignored this lowlife bum. But, remember, this is a strange day for Sue! Sue doesn't say a word, but gestures with his hand to follow him. Once Sue gets to the bottom the the grey, stone stairs reaching to his apartment door, he tells the man to chill for a second while he gets some matches. Sue sprints up the stairs, opens his door, searches for a flock of matches he had grabbed from a bar a month or so before. When Sue returns to the rough, dirty, smelly, distant man, Sue opens his hand to give the man three wads of matches. "Hey, young fella", says the man, "want to share a smoke?". "Sure", says Sue without any hesitation.

Man: say there man, ill tell ya (as he rolls the cigarette), im campin a few blocks away behind the big church up there. I asked them a few hours ago if they could help me out with a tarp, maybe a sleepin bag, and if they didnt have a tarp, maybe, possibly some kind of shelter from the rain. The preacher man put his hands on his forehead and replied, probably not. the two women behind the preacher were listenin and shook their heads as well and whispered to each other while starin at me. couldnt get NOTHIN MAN!!!!!! (he lights the cigarette).

Sue: jesus christ!!!!!!!!!!!

Man: no no no no no man!!! dont say that, please!!

Sue: oh man, im so sorry man!..... i....

Man: no no no no no man!!!! stop apologizing!!! (he passes Sue the soiz(cigarette))

Sue: dude you can NOT trust organized religion, im not a religious man........

Man: YES!!! thats it man! the two women were wearing nice necklaces, beautiful dresses. the preacher man, the preacher was in a real nice suit. every other car was a nice big truck or a mercedes. they just wouldnt, couldnt lend a hand to help me out. im an ex-marine in the sniper division, my dad's wife will not let me see my daughters. i mean, ya, i like alcohol, but still, they wont let me even see them man!

Sue: dude, if you want to see your kids so bad, why dont you do anythin you can to see them?

Man: because man, that bitch wont let me see them!

Sue: dude you should just do everythin in your power to DO WHATEVER IT TAKES!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man: HEY MAN! dont tell me what you think i should do!

Sue: ok ok im very sorry, your right i shouldnt.......

Man: hey man! stop apologizing! its cool! hey man, you wouldnt happen to have some tape, duck tape? electrical tape? or somethin to tie these brake tubes onto my frame to keep them from rattling on my spokes?

Sue: i gotcha, give me 2 seconds.

(1/2 second later)

Sue: here you go! (as Sue is walking down the stairs with a huge roll of duck tape, he is beginning to get on his bike)

Man: damn man!!! i thought you werent comin back, i usually hear people say that and they just leave.

Sue: its chill man. (Sue helped the man rap the wires down to the frame)

Man: hey man you wanna smoke one more?

Sue: sure.

Man: (as he is rolling another soiz) seeeeee!!! that is what i am talkin about, your a good person, i can feel it. you say your not a religious man, but you still help me out. i can tell you believe in something.

Sue: (he passes Sue the soiz) thanks man, you should take that whole roll of duck tape, i dont need it right now. im from Houston, and we have the Lakewood Church that bought the stadium where the Rockets used to play and now they have 30,000 plus people comin to church and givin money. Joel Osteen is wearin, easily, a $2,000 suit, and his wife is wearin a huge gold necklace with a shiny, silk dress, preachin to a crowd that listens all over America, and pays money from all over the country! ARE YOU KIDDIN ME!?!?!?!?!

Man: ya man, iv seen them on tv! i try to stay away from Houston man! those Houston cops dont like people with backpacks.

Sue: I hear ya man.

Man: well man, i greatly appreciate people like you. thank you for the tape and the matches! (we shook hands)

Sue: take care of yourself man.

In The Eye Of The Beholder

The 5th of May. This day is also commonly known as "Cinco de Mayo". Guaranteed, 96.38% of the population in America knows what day this means in English even if they do not even know the word for water in Spanish. For those of you who do not know what this day symbolizes, like I did not know about twenty minutes ago, I am fixing to tell you my interpretation of what this day represents.

While I am telling you my interpretation of Cinco de Mayo, I am not worried about dates, citing sources, or any of that stuff. (Side Note#1: Isn't history just another person's interpretation of what happened? That is for a later discussion or tangent of mine.) I will give a very brief and concise description of what went down. Therefore, please feel free to look it up if you wish to know details.

Mexico owed money to France in the mid 1800's. The president (might be the wrong term) of Mexico decided to stop paying foreign countries in which they were in debt to. France threw a fit over this, and decided to invade and conquer Mexico. France ended up succeeding in taking over Mexico, but along the way, they ran into one little/big problem. In a town or maybe a city in Mexico, there was a battle (as I said, this was going to be vague). In this famous battle, on May 5, mid 1800's, the Mexican army and militia were very much outnumbered, disadvantaged technologically and strategically. Besides the odds, I bet you can guess who won the battle. YES!!! You're right!!! It was Mexico! Even though France ended up taking over the whole country in the end, Mexico had a right to be proud of the outcome of the battle that occurred on Cinco de Mayo! They were at a strong (lack of a better word) disadvantage against the French, but they had the courage and pride to lead them to victory, and maybe a general who knew what he was doing. But none the less, that is awesome! After this battle, no other country in the Americas' have been invaded by an army from another continent, which is pretty cool.

It is amazing what humans can do when the odds are more than against us. For instance, space exploration, the atomic bomb, the Sistine Chapel, deep sea exploration, music, science, art, communication, the internet, being able to survive traveling in the highest elevations on Earth, and the list goes on and on. On a personal level, what happens when you are rock climbing, trying your hardest to clip that next bolt or piece of gear, and the fear sets in. What if I fall? I will fall a long ways. Every muscle is burning! What do I do!? OH SHIT, OH SHIT, OH SHIT! Wait. Relax. YOU ARE OK! Then you get it and now you are safe. You have just overcome yourself and the human mind. How does this relate to Cinco de Mayo, you may ask. Well, I will tell you. When shit hits the fan, and you have a decision to live or die, whether you like it or not, the decision is yours to make. The human instinct, that we have, from a little phenomenon called evolution, gives us the power to survive in the worst and harshest conditions if we really want to. The Mexican army was faced up against a very powerful and relentless army, yet they won a battle with everything against them. In my mind, they had to have that will and determination to survive and save their land. That's where it's at.

Find the spark

ok fine... the world wont ever come to you. if you want it, you must seek it and find it. you must never give up or get distracted from your goals and responsibilities in your life. friends, family, you must treat them much better than you would treat yourself, because no matter how many times you don't want to admit it, we all need help sometimes, and your friends and family are going to be the ones to help pick you up, if you have treated them right. its so easy to get caught up in your own life and your own little world and forget about the important people around you. we all make mistakes. the definition of insanity is doing something over and over again and expecting a different result.

How are you doing? Are you a happy, content, excitable, and a lovable individual? Do you have a strong passion for something? It could be absolutely anything. Before you move on from these tiny questions, think about it for a second. Take 30 more seconds to think about it. You might see something that you would not have seen if you would have just breezed past these questions. Are you being good to yourself? Maybe take another 30 seconds to appreciate yourself and the ones around you. Appreciate the path you are taking right now. If you think you cannot do any of these things, then please, challenge yourself and try.

As we all know most of us live a very fast, complex, short, and confusing life. It's hard to slow down, sometimes impossible. You always hear people's opinions about the way most live their lives in our society. Well, I'm not here to tell you what I think, because most likely I have already told you many times what I believe. Plus, who cares what I think or what anybody else thinks? But, I have got a story to tell that surprised me and threw me through a loop when I experienced this. Hopefully, you all feel the same.

Yesterday, I biked up to my usual bouldering spot a few minutes from my house. It was a beautiful, sunny afternoon in Bend. The smell was out and about dancing a duet with the breeze. The true feeling of being ALIVE is the only way to describe this day in Central Oregon. I round the familiar corner on the trail and see the rocks waiting for me to come and give my undivided attention to them for a little while. I toss my backpack, walking shoes, and sweatshirt to the far end of the rocks, away from where I would be climbing mostly today. I put on my purple climbing shoes (I have no idea how I ended up with purple climbing shoes) and taking in the view the town of Bend and the surrounding high desert. I begin climbing and I am grooving, feeling good. A half hour goes by while traversing back and forth. This kid comes up the hill, off-trail, with a stick in his hand, hiding from the trail runners and walkers from the cover of the sage brush and pines. My estimation was that he must of been no older than 13 years old. I remember back when I was a kid letting my imagination run wild, pretending like I was some kind of ninja with a mission to get from point A to point B without being seen. I chuckled to myself and kept climbing. About half a minute after seeing this kid, I look back, and see he is gone. I didn't think anything of it, kept on climbing. I round a bulge in the rock and hear a noise coming from where I put my backpack down about 15 yards away. I see the kid rumbling through my backpack pulling out my school books and notepads. I laughed to myself again and didn't say anything. There was nothing of value in there. This kid does not see me until I jump off the wall and make a noise on the brush, at the bottom of the rock. I ask him if he found anything interesting, he said no, and that he was sorry. I didn't care. Kept climbing. He comes around in front to climb with me after I get back on the rock, and starts to climb higher and higher on the rock. I told him to be careful, and he replied that he has been climbing these rocks for 3 years now. I said ok. He gets to the top and keeps hanging around. I didn't mind. I divert from the traverse I had been doing and decide to give this overhang a try that I have had trouble with ever since I had started climbing there. The kid sees what I am going to try, and proceeds to say, "there is no way your going to get up that." I laughed and said, "thanks man, 'preciate it." He was right, I didn't get up it, but I did better than I had ever done, so I was satisfied.

Kid: I hate this tree that is right here. It's standing all alone, right here, in the way of my view. This tree should be cut down so we can have a better view of the town and the desert.

Me: I don't know man, I kind of like the tree right there. It's out of place, gives the place some substance and health. You can see through the tree. It's not screwing up your view.

Kid: No, it's in the way of my view. It should be cut down.

Me: Well, should we just cut down everything that is in our view?

No response

The kid starts hitting a branch of another tree. He proceeds to knock off the whole branch with his stick.

Me: Hey, dude! Why are you doing that!?

Kid: Just because...

Me: That tree never did anything to you. I hope you feel really good right now. I bet you feel really strong and powerful, dontcha?

Kid: Yeah... kinda.

Me: Good. I'm glad you do.

Kid: I hate Blackberry's. I hate how people are so dependent on their phones and technology.

Me: I hear ya man.

Kid: I would love to hide someone's Blackberry from them and see how bad they freak out. You know they call it the "Crackberry", because people are so addicted to their phones.

Me: Hahaha! Hell ya man! I would love to see how someone would react to their iphone or Blackberry being hidden.

Kid: They would probably start getting Blackberry withdrawals. Ahhhhh! I NEED my Blackberry!!

Me: Hahaha. Ya they would probably start having BA meetings, Blackberry Anonymous meetings. People would lose their minds! Technology is defiantly a weakness for us.

Kid: Yeah! I would love to see every piece of technology not work for 24 hours! It would be anarchy! Everybody would flip.

Me: Think about it. Agriculture, heat, cars, our daily lives, everything, is run by computers! People would freak. I wouldn't want to be here (on earth) to experience that.

Kid: Yeah, I guess so.

Me: Well man, I'm outta here. What's you name dude?

Kid: Ohhhhh, I don't think I should give out that...

Me: Of course, I forgot about that, my bad. I'll just call you "Jerry". Later Jerry, good talking to you.

Kid: Hey! What's your name?

Me: Ted.

I'm sorry this was so long. The reason I told you this story is because it gave me something to look forward to. I know this kid is probably in the minority in what he believes, but there are younger generations out there that have the potential to "get it". I, myself, doesn't really know what "it" is, but I dig "it". This kid went from the kid saying that nature must be tamed and controlled to we are digging ourselves deeper and deeper into our own little fictional world that we have made through technology.

Slow down. Get back to basics. Get your simple mind back. Forget the other horse crap around you. Next time you hike the Flatirons, Spencer's Butte, Aubrey Butte, or anywhere where you feel that you can slow down and, stop, listen, and smell everything around you. That will be as real as you can get.

O' Where Do The Wild People Go?

Story #1:

After two days and three fun filled nights in Boulder, it was finally time for my bother and I to hit the slopes at Keystone, and see what kind of heads we could turn with our amazing ability to do all sorts of mean, nasty, ugly things with only a board and a pair of skis.

We arrived at the ski hill they call, Keystone. I was so excited to FINALLY be skiing in the Great Rocky Mountains, where they say the snow falls from the heavens in it's driest form compared to anywhere else in the world. As Andy and I are walking from the car to get on the first lift, I realize this place is much different than Mt. Bachelor, Oregon. In Keystone, there is basically a large town surrounding the base of the hill. Anything anybody would ever need or want is found at the tip of their mittens whenever skiing gets tiring. I was shocked and a little unprepared, due to lack of preparation from my part. I had always skied in this kind of a situation growing up with these huge resorts and massive amounts of people being drawn to the area. Why was I feeling so out of place? Why did it even stand out to me? Who cares?

It is barely past mid-day when I was separated from Andy. I get down to a chair lift, that Andy was not at. I get in line anyways. This girl and this guy ask if they can ask me a few questions while they accompany me on the lift. I was kind of weirded out until they started asking me questions on a survey about Keystone. Once the guy asks the basics: what is your name?, where are you from?, how old are you?, and so on, he asks, "what would you change about Keystone?". My answer right off the bat should have been lowering the cost of a day pass, which I had bought earlier and was pretty damn expensive. Unfortunately, I did not say that. When the ball was in my court to produce an answer, I said something that was a knee jerk reaction and which kind of surprised me. I immediately turned around on the chair lift to look down from our elevation at the tiny buildings, tiny parking lot, and tiny people scurrying about within this grand infrastructure, and said, "well, you could start by burning down every one of those buildings down there". They both erupted in laughter and looked at me like a really funny guy. When they noticed I kind of was not kidding, they said they would both be out of jobs. I said cheers and they did not ask me anymore questions after that.

Story #2:

On the same day that Andy and I skied, we arrive at the Denver International Airport around 5:15 in the p.m. It was time for me to depart from my brother and get back to Bend to assume the routine, daily life of the week days.

I was following the signs that would lead me to my gate, when I found myself in the very long line, waiting to be securitified by security. I was half in a daze from all the fun in Boulder, fatigued from getting off the mountain a fews hours earlier, plus, I had been taking samplers from the Greenest Green's finest, prior to the security line. As I am walking up, a few older fellows with white hair go rushing past me, with their bags on wheels struggling to keep up. A woman's voice, on a recorder, is blaring through the airport, reminding us not to leave your baggage unattended, and to throw away your water bottle if you are not willing to chug it. A couple right in front of me are having an argument as quietly as they can, pretending like no one can hear them. There is a wave of tension in this line of people that is so thick that you could cut it with a butter knife. I look upwards to the second story walkways, because I feel like there is no other place to look. I see an Interfaith Chapel with a Cantina Margarita restaurant right next store. Wow, there must be over eighty airport security personnel in this one area! Some of the security staff people are standing by the x-ray conveyor belt, people watching and picking their noses. Where do these people end up? I guess I to am just a lonely member of this herd, trying so desperately to get to my destination. But, for what?

Journal entry #1, 48hr solo, Utah Desert, 3/18/2008

It's kind of crazy sitting on this ledge with my feet dangling over a 200 ft. drop, hearing and seeing commercial airplanes flying overhead. It reminds me that although I am away from society for 25 days, I never forget that there are millions of people in America going about their lives doing the same thing they have been doing since they remember. A lot of people live as slaves to society even though they think they are free. Could it be that some people are slaves to the "all you can eat" mentality in America? For instance, if you are craving a hamburger, you can drive your car (don't even have to walk or put any energy into getting where you want to be) to your favorite burger joint. If you want alcohol, weed, chocolate, then you can get it any time you like. One becomes spoiled of having everything one wants at their fingertips.

Out here, you pack what you need on you own back! You feel, first hand, the amount of work it takes to haul around what you need! Imagine carrying everything you need, and start dangling everything you want in your everyday life on the outside of your pack. I know I would not be able to carry all of that stuff more than 15 steps before getting tired! I don't need alcohol, weed, shrooms, drunk driving, that jacket, that car, that lifestyle, that new gear, your sympathy, your judgements.

What I do need is good friendships, my family, my brother, my dog, the freedom to think and feel without the fear of judgment. I need food, shelter, water, strong relationships, solitude, myself strong, healthy, and sharp. I need to be more helpful to others, a better brother, a better nephew, a patient person, a better friend, express how much I need some people in my life, show more compassion and feeling, get outdoors more, into the wilderness!!!

The Next Step

Once again, things are never quite what you had expected. Or, hell, maybe they are, and I am happy for you.

I have talked to a few people lately that are thinking of the next step. A lot of people I have conversed with are beginning to think about leaving their bubbles at college and wondering where they will go when May or June rolls around. Thats right ladies and gents, the time has come to remember when your elders were saying, "You just wait until you got to grow up! Go into the 'real world'!". Now I can tell you a hundred reasons why I think that is a bunch of horse apples, but that is not the point of this discussion on the couch.

I was at the pub talking to this older guy about California and how they have dug themselves into the rut that they are in now. We got onto the subject of the United State's economy, jobs and college. He was telling me that when he got out of college, the question everyone was asking themselves was not, "Will I get a job?", it was, "which job offer should I take?". Obviously much different than today. Should some of us forget the job thing and go to graduate school to wait until the economy gets better? How about traveling? Should I just look for a job, any job? Should I move back home for a while, so I don't have to have expenses for a little bit? How the hell am I supposed to pick a direction?

The great thing about the question of the "the next step", is that it can apply to everything and everyone in some way, no matter where you are in life. If your getting married, or already married, what do you do now? I guess live the "American Dream", white picket fence, maybe a few kids, garden, and a golden retriever? Just got fired from your job that you assumed would probably be your career? Did you buy some really good vegetables or fruit, thinking you were going to be healthy again, but you forgot about them and they just went moldy on you? What do you do now? Of course you can look at these questions in the worst possible way, but why not look at your situation as an opportunity in disguise? I have had the worst trouble with these questions. I've gotten down, cursed myself and probably been the most confused in my entire life. I have got to keep remembering that the sky is the limit, like what Lil' Wayne said. Opportunities are everywhere, you just have to remember to look up every once and a while to see them (that is from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I can't take credit for that).

This is the last thing I have to talk about, I promise. Moving to Bend has been a great thing for me. Maybe two hours ago I would not have said that, but after what I have typed, I sincerely believe that. Coming from Eugene, I pictured Bend as being my savior. Man, I was gonna tackle the world! I was set! I'm gonna get all these cool classes and I am going to do really well in them, nothing can stop me! Climbing is two minutes from my house, you can bike everywhere (even on highway 97), the mountain is 25 minutes away, the pub where I work is 2 minutes walking, the school is 11.5 minutes away walking and I got homies that want to come and ride on snow in the winter. That is all cool, but things have changed this winter term. Treading water is the best way to describe this winter term. I want to do a little experiment. I want to try not graduating from college. I want to work and gain as much experience in everything possible. Everything from radio shows to welding to working on an oil rig. I want my resume to be 30 pages long, maybe prove the elders wrong. They always have said, "Nowadays you have to have a college diploma to do anything". I think it can work.