Poop Happens

This past Saturday morning was easily the most stressful morning that I have experienced in a long time. I think the last time I can remember feeling this way was in high school, every time I would drive down San Felipe or Highway 290 in Houston to pick up my girlfriend, I would be nervous as can be. But on this particular Saturday, I was close to losing it; muscles tense, escalated heart rate/breathing, and just about to pull my hair out.

As many of you may already know, I lost my wallet with every form of picture ID I had, some cash, and my debit and credit card. Not to mention I had to be at the airport in 45 minutes. Enough of me whining and complaining, let me get to the point.

Thanks to a handful of friends helping me clean my place, look for my wallet, cancel my debit/credit cards, and dealing with me flipping out, I had reason to relax just a little bit. I got to the airport and made it through security with not as much heart ache as I had anticipated, which calmed me down a little more. But, I was still stressing and beating myself to a pulp for my carelessness on the plane ride from Redmond to Portland. I don't know if it was my B.O. from skiing the day before or the altitude, but something clicked in my hungover brain. I began telling myself, "I can't keep getting this worked up over something that is over and already in the books". All of a sudden I could breath again, and think clearly. Later on in the day I swear I caught myself a few times where I had completely forgotten about losing my wallet. It was not a big deal anymore. I was in the position to look ahead and take action to fix my situation. When I got to Chicago, I found a monitor to give me the information that the flight to my destination had been canceled. Normally I would have freaked!! I had no money, no food, nothing!! Instead of going down that route, I just laughed. You know what they say in Russia (if you don't know, you better acsk somebody).

Final note: when something doesn't go your way and your stressed beyond belief, try to step back, deep breathe, and take an action that will help you get out of the mess your in. MUCH EASIER SAID THAN DONE! I know I will be working on this part of my personality for the rest of my days.

Journal entry #2, 48hr. solo, Utah desert, 3/18/08

I woke up this morning and all I could hear was silence. Nobody around to tell me to get moving, and not having to listen to anyone else's worries. It's just me, a pack, sleeping bag, water, and clothing. This is a different, but exhilarating feeling. It's not weird, it's just different. This morning, right now, I feel no distractions. Finally!!! It's just me!

In the book, "The Dharma Bums", I read something last night that was saying the mountains are his buddha. They have been here for millions of years. They are peaceful, there is no rush, no judgements, it's all black and white, and slow. It took over 300 million years for these canyons to look how they do now, and I find peace and feel grounded, because of the patience of the dirt and the abundance of life here. The sound of silence!! Life and L-I-V-I-N is outdoors. There's so much to learn, I want to soak it all up! Next Fall I want to either find a job in Eugene working carpentry or construction, or work in northern Cali with Mike's friend, if that can happen. I don't want to go back to school yet. I have a lot of learning and reading I want to do before I go back.

About 30 minutes later with my handwriting looking much different...

Well that was tight. Trip just came to my solo spot and asked for a liter of water, because he used a liter for the dinner last night. While I was filling his water bottle up, he asked if I wanted to smoke (big surprise)! I just cracked up laughing and said, "ok". So, I'm pretty high, in the desert! That's nuts! It's actually a really cool feeling. There's a lot of life scurring around this morning. It's awesome.

"Home is where you make it" - Joe Dirt

Yesterday morning, I was cooking a big breakfast and listening to "Car Talk" (a normal weekend ritual Saturdays and Sundays, 11 a.m.- 12 p.m. on NPR). If you have not listened to these guys, I highly recommend it. Anyways, during the show they call someone that called maybe a month or two ago about a problem concerning their car. The idea is to see if the two guys were correct in diagnosing the problem. This woman called in from Seattle a couple months ago wondering what car would be best taking a road trip all over the country. This woman just had her daughter leave home to go to college, and she was sick of Seattle (which I don't know how that could be) and wanted to "find herself"; maybe find a new place to live.

She ends up driving over 18,000 miles, sleeping out of her car, staying with friends/family, and exploring the U.S. What I find interesting in this story is, in the end she moved back to Seattle and settled down in the place she desperately wanted to leave. I do not really have anything philosiphizing to say about this, but there is something here and I cannot exactly put my finger on it. Maybe some day.

Side note: The two guys on the show were recommending her a small truck to do the trip, so she can sleep in the bed of the truck. She ended up getting a Ford station wagon, and had nothing but great things to say about it. Therefore, the result was that the two guys were wrong.

"Don't quote me on this, but..."

I don't know about anyone else, but I am stressed to the bone about school and a bunch of other horse apples bobbling around in my head, that takes over you and your emotions like your hot math teacher in 8th grade (I don't know anything about that though, obviously). There are multiple ways that we all deal with our stress. Some ways benefit us and our overall wellness, and other ways may hinder us. For me it is a constant struggle. But, today was a different experience that I have not had in a very long time.

I have this research paper due tonight at midnight. I have been very stressed about this paper and of course I waited to do it on the day that it is due. I gave myself a timeline today, that I will work on the paper until three o'clock, and no matter if I was done or not, I was going to treat myself to a walk in the blizzard that mother nature was gracing us with. Three o'clock came around and I just had to finish my reference page, so I was in good shape to take a break. I walked to the top of this butte near my apartment in about 5 or 6 inches of dry, beautiful powder. While I was on the butte, there was no one around. All the houses seemed like they were tucked away trying to fight off the howling wind and snow. On a clear day, you can see the whole town of Bend and more, but today it was a white out. No sound but the wind and my own heart pounding in my ears from the hike. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on the sound of the wind. I tried to remember every snowflake that hit my face. Nothing mattered anymore except for the flakes in my beard and the music that the wind was orchestrating. I do not know how long I was standing there with my eyes closed, but when I finally opened them, the tracks that I had made on the way up were mostly covered with snow. I had forgotten about time and my place in the world. Not one thing mattered!

On the way back to my apartment, I started thinking (imagine that). Why has it been so long since I have taken the time to feel this rejuvenated? We all have busy lives, things we need to do, but also things we want to do. There is only so many hours in the day. Everyone has something different that they do to relieve stress. Some people spend hours playing video games and other people want to go climb Everest. What I am getting at is, make time in your day to do something for yourself, whether it is sitting on the couch watching Oprah or going to play basketball, make the time! Some stresses that we have we cannot control, but there are some things that we can manage, and that is what we need to concentrate on. But, don't quote me on this, it's just what I have come up with.